Re-engaging

Psalm 42:7 states that "Deep calls to deep." What is striking me lately is how important relationships are in life. I think even before I left for Africa, God was showing me walls I had built to keep out deep and meaningful relationships. That is not to say I don't have loving friends and family. I just have learned that shallow relationships are more convenient and usually less painful then the time consuming task of getting to know someone. This is the nature of DC as well. We casually ask, "how are you?" But are too busy to listen to a real answer or to be there for someone if they really need support. We feel we have caught up with acquaintances if we go on facebook and read their profile status. Texting has replaced conversations on the telephone which has replaced visiting friends and family in person.


This summer, I unabashedly, unconditionally loved the babies at Cradle of Love. Every night was a bonding night as we didn't have technology to distract us, sometimes didn't have electricity, and so we shared stories of our lives and built community. God brought down my walls and poured through me His love onto my new friends and the babies. I was fulfilled, joyful, content by His love and in pouring love into the lives around me. Coming back has been a rude awakening. While I was peacefully ignorant or maybe resignedly satisfied before I left for Africa, I am painfully aware of the hollowness of my relationships now and I feel lonely. Initially coming back from Africa, I withdrew from friends and family because I was overwhelmed with emotions I couldn't explain. But now begins the hard process of re-engaging in relationships. And I am realizing, I am not going to be satisfied with surface level relationships anymore. I am also realizing how much harder it is to engage in relationships here with all the "noise" getting in the way.

I came across this passage in another blog:

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God's will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness...We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as a way in which they should break, so be it. What I know about love and believe about love and giving ones heart began in this. (C.S. Lewis-The Four Loves)

Loving others in Africa was easy, loving others here in America, I don't know how to do. Help me Lord, to love like You, sacrificially. To engage others in deep relationships with me and with You.

Home

It has been over a week since I have arrived home in D.C. and I feel overwhelmed with emotions. It was awesome to arrive to my sweet friends at the airport. It has been great to catch up with family and to be reunited with Leroy! I love water pressure, dishwashers, cars, high speed (!) internet and no ants. But, I feel like my heart is still in Africa. I miss the babies terribly and wish to steal and cuddle babies I see passing on the street (don't worry, I haven't). School hasn't started yet so I sit at home, staring at pictures and chatting with my African friends all day. I feel conflicted about my sadness. On one hand, I want to PRAISE the Lord for the amazing summer He gave me. Not in my wildest dreams could I imagine the things He allowed me to experience. My heart expanded this summer from the love He poured into me and through me in loving the babies and the other wonderful people I met in Africa. I should be happy and joyful, not depressed. Yet, things feel different here and I have been changed. And it is hard to explain this to friends and family. When asked, "how was Africa?" I feel at a lost of how to explain my trip. So I give the highlights, change the subject, or in the last few days, just avoid people.

I guess I am still processing and unsure of what God wanted me to take away from this trip. Some things I am certain of, like the love and joy of the people in Africa. How poverty isn't synonymous with unhappiness. It is interesting to me how people can say, "How can God be a loving God when people are poor and suffering?" But, I found it easier to see God in Africa, in the simplicity of lives and kindness to one another, then I do here in America. In America there is so much "noise" that drowns out the people of God, such as materialism and the emphasis of power and beauty...

Will I return? I don't know. I can't imagine not returning but even that question sends me in a turmoil of emotions that I know I need to surrender to God and that whatever His answer may be, be patient. So, that is about where I stand. Anyway, here is a picture of my wonderful friends welcoming me at the airport.

Love,

Jess

Do I have to say goodbye?

Coming back to Cradle of Love, after Zanzibar, was a hero's welcoming. The babies screamed with delight, ran over to me, and covered me with hugs and kisses. I was surprised how much bigger a few of the babies looked after only a week. And I think the reality is, I am finally noticing how big they have grown this summer. Even Carolina, crawled for the first time, while I was gone =( So sad to have missed it. It is going to be hard missing out on these babies growing up, I am so attached to them now. Especially my precious triplets. I really want to pack them with me and bring them home.

I feel as though every hug, kiss, laugh and memory is extra special to me, knowing this is my last week with the babies. I know when I say goodbye, I am going to be a crying mess. In one sense, I am ready to come home. I miss family and friends. I especially hate that I haven't been there for friends during big moments in their lives this summer. I am ready to catch up and have basic comforts again. But in another sense, I don't want to leave these babies or Africa. I know I am going to miss the simplicity of life here, the focus on relationships, and even the smells and sounds of Africa. I will forever have etched in my mind little things like Prince's bear hugs, or how Martine says, "Mama Musa!" and how Rachel scowls when she doesn't get her way. I love how before dinner is served and the little babies are sitting in their seats, I give them all kisses and they light up in joy. I love Tumini's kissy face, Rebecca's laugh, Lowawsa's gummy smile, and even Bahati's screeches for attention. Oh, I love them so much and I am thankful to have been able to experience these little angels, but saying goodbye is going to be so hard to do...

From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise. Psalm 8:2

Sweetie Amina and the world is Prince's bathroom...

Ibriham and my precious Triplets!

Lowawsa, hiding under my arm and my Anya

Zanzibar

Wow! Just got back from Zanzibar with Marsha and what a great trip! We travelled budget but you would never know with the AMAZING, spectacular, breathtaking beaches and water. Our travels were adventurous and long with a 10 hour bus ride to Dar Salaam, a 2 hour ferry to Stone Town, and a mini bus to the Eastern coast, Jambaini. The North Beaches tend to be more popular with tourists and we wanted seclusion and boy did be get it! The beach was amazing. At low tide you could walk a quarter of a mile before you got to water and then easily another quarter of a mile in the shallow water. At one point, I hiked out a good amount, sat in the knee height water. I was surrounded by ocean and only the immense sky above me and was blown away by how small I am and how BIG our God is...Amen? The people were very friendly...we ate locally both in Stone Town and one night in Zanzibar. I finally tried Ugali (very good!), the local staple food and even had some fresh octopus (thanks Dan), delicious! On a side note, I will say this trip has been redefining my viewpoint on poverty in many ways but in particular in food! The food is so fresh and delicious here in Tanzania.

Anyway, Zanzibar is so amazing...even at night we watched the full moon rise and it was beautiful. Too many stories to share, but I would rather share some pictures...they don't capture the full beauty of Zanzibar...but maybe a start?

I did miss the babies terribly and can't believe I have only 1 1/2 weeks left! Ack...more later, but enjoy a few pics!

Me, surrounded by water, in paradise. We took a boat ride/snorkeling trip with Captain Chicken.

I ate Octopus at this restaurant! Amazing! And the beach at low tide...

Sadness =(

Almost another week has gone by and I am beginning to realize the end of my trip is coming. Sadness. So sad, I actually postponed coming back 5 days and got a later flight! It just seems like the time is going by so quick and I feel invested in these babies and in Africa. Before coming, they were just sad stories on the Cradle of Love website, now I love them all so much. It bothers me that when I leave I may never know what will happen to them (minus what Davona may post on the website). Will Maria and Carolina get adopted? Will Musa and Rahma live happy long lives despite HIV? Will my precious triplets go home with their daddy in the Massai village? And if so, will they be at the mercy of the Massai's ways...marriage at sometimes 13? What is going to happen to these little angels? I am told a majority of the babies are returned to their families...which leads to a visit we received last weekend. One of the babies' grandma showed up to the orphanage drunk. Apparently, the mom didn't want the baby and gave it to the grandma, who has too serious of a drinking problem to take care of the child. This is just one sad story of why a baby is here. One baby was beaten by her mom...most are abandoned. And these are the types of homes these babies are returning too? I don't want to sound too pessimistic, I know babies go home and are loved and are well taken care of...I guess, like I said, I feel invested in MY babies' lives. I just don't like the idea of never seeing these babies again...sigh. Oh boy is it going to be hard to readjust and come home! Anyway, I don't want to be a complete debbie downer (waahhhh, waaaahhh)...just want to be real about my feelings right now. And again, praying God provides loving Christian homes to all of these babies.

In other news, we got 3 new room mates this week. They are all teachers and seem very sweet. On the flipside, Candice left today and Nina leaves Saturday. I am sad not to have these girls around and the dynamic in the house is going to be sooooooo different. Only a little bit of time left though. Sunday, Marsha and I leave to do some traveling. We will go to Dar Salam for a few days and then Zanzibar...super excited to get a few days of rest and reflection. When we get back, I will only have 1 1/2 more weeks with the babies! Well, let me end on a happy note...here are some pictures of precious Carolina (for you Davona) taking a bath and Prince on a field trip to the coffee shop. He had a great time drinking soda (not coffee despite the mug) and eating a chocolate chip cookie. Don't be fooled by his face, just thought it was appropriate for this blog entry!

Schools

Another good week here in Tanzania. This week was fairly uneventful compared to last week. I mostly hung out with the babies =P But, I did get the opportunity to visit a few schools. The first school is extremely poor. It is located outside of Arusha in the middle of nowhere. This is a primary school and we got to sit in on classrooms and talk with a few teachers. One teachers' story stole my heart! She lives at an orphanage, so that she may volunteer at night and on the weekends. But during the work week, she dala dalas one hour through town and then walks 1 1/2 hours (!) to be at the school to teach 40 4-6 year olds! And, did I mention, she doesn't get paid? I was so blessed to meet with her and we shared teaching stories and chatted like old friends. I hope to get the opportunity to visit her at her orphanage again this week.

The second school we visited is called Peace House Secondary. It is a boarding school, just built last year, outside of Arusha. The school only accepts the poorest of the poor, which they verify through house visits and an extensive application process. If a child qualifies (meaning has no money and passes a standard test), the school pays for everything for that child. This includes, books, food, everything...Personally, I LOVED this school and was very interested to hear they have volunteer housing on campus and would accept volunteer teachers....hmmmm.

This weekend was also good. Friday night we went to a concert at a local church that featured Massai singers and dancers. It was so incredible to hear their testimonies (they are Christian). And delightful to hear them sing...


Yesterday was a day of rest and today was church! In between, of course, baby time =P We took toddlers to church again today and they are becoming naturals at travelling with us girls. A little sad that Candice and Nina leave this week! 3 more girls will be arriving tomorrow at the house though and hopefully we will get along just as well!


It is crazy to think that I only have a few weeks left in TZ. Everyday I get a little bit sadder about thinking of leaving these babies. Especially when they have such uncertain futures. I am praying every single one will be welcomed into a loving Christian family. Certainly our God is big enough?


Love! Jess


Visiting primary school

Candice and I with some of the Massai singers

Love

Some pictures

Since it literally took a week to post my last entry (really, power and/or internet kept going out), figured I'd try two entries today! This one is just a few pics. Enjoy!

We hiked this mountain, Mt. Meru!

Hiking being a relative word...more like paved our way through a tropical bush!

Lost! and found...

It has been a very busy week! Tuesday we had the pleasure of visiting a school organized by Lohada (an organization that helps at risk and disadvantaged children in TZ, check out their website: http://www.lohada.org/ ). Getting to the school was a bit of an adventure. Our directions: "go out of town on the road that Stiggys(a restaurant) is on, pass a Massai village on the right, go up and down a big hill and we are on the left a bit of the way." Needless to say, we got lost. We took a dala dala too far and decided to retrace our steps on foot. The scenery was breathtaking and the local flair awesome. This was a rural area (a nice change from the city) and children were just getting out of school in their uniforms (so cute). We stopped at a local vendor for some sugar cane to munch along the way. Eventually we found the school! Students were singing a melody of the seven days of the week in English. We sang along as they got louder and louder...The teacher broke for bath time so we hung out with the kids for a short while outside. The rest of the day we headed back to town for lunch and some shopping at a Massai market. On our way home we saw the beginning of a political rally. We thought is was a talent show at first...with dancers, and a band, and one guy was dressed like a woman dancing (?)...but then the speeches began. The night ended with yummy tacos for dinner (fresh guacamole made from the avocados on campus) and singing worship songs! So excited that Nina(roommate) sings and plays guitar so well and we borrowed a guitar from the Church family. Nina is learning children songs too so we can put on a show for the toddlers.

Thursday we took a field trip to go swimming with the toddlers. It was a little cold, Maria flat out refused to get in...but Martine and Rachel splashed around for awhile. We stayed and ate lunch at the lodge. The toddlers had spaghetti and were too cute eating their food. Rachel picked out all the vegetables. I guess kids are the same in every country when it comes to veggies. Another fun day!

Friday we went and visited the "Widows project" for lunch. Another great organization and cause. You pay for an amazing African lunch, cultural dancing (they had Massai dancing today), acrobats and lessons (one week we learned how to make traditional coffee, today African porridge). A majority of the money made goes to support a school for orphans and local widows. The people are all so nice. There are many muzungu volunteers that go so it is nice to mingle with new friends. On the walk back to our dala, the sky had cleared so much we could see the top of Mt. Meru AND Kilimanjaro. What a beautiful sight! All of us white volunteers got on the same dala, which was kinda funny. We overtook the dala dala. I think there were 15 of us...for once the Africans were out numbered! HA! That will never happen again, I'm sure =P

Yesterday (Saturday) we went up Mt. Meru. We had a picnic and then hiked some up the mountain. GORGEOUS! Although I did discover a plant called "stinging neddles," not cool. Hit them a few times and it hurts! Pictures to follow another blog!

Today we went to church and took the toddlers. Very fun...Martine is so funny because he strikes up converations in Swahilli with everyone he meets. Had a long one on the dala dala. The only thing I caught was he was calling me Mama...awww. Going to miss these kids so much when I leave.

Lost...Marsha and Nina deciding which way should we go to Lohada? And the school...

Lohada students sliding =P And on the way to Widows Project, Candice made a friend.

Field Trip

Today we had a fun field trip with a few of the toddlers. We took Maria, Rachel and Martine to the Mt. Meru gaming lodge. When we asked the nannies, they said of course and then dressed the toddlers in the CUTEST outfits ever. Maria had an Easter Sunday dress on, no joke. I wish I could paint a picture of three white girls and three black babies riding on a dala dala, lol. One day I will risk my camera getting stolen to take a picture on the dala dala... The gaming lodge had fun animals like a crocodile, monkeys, birds, porcupines and zebras. We walked around looking at the animals and making noises. At the end, we treated the kids with sodas. OH my, did sugar hit them quick! Suddenly, they were giggling and having a ball at the table. It was a really fun outing and we have a few more ideas planned...I am excited!

Back at the orphanage it was business as usual. Another gorgeous day here and we sat outside with the babies playing. What a great day!

Rachel checking out an animal and Maria drinking her soda (adorable dress!)

Martine, all smiles

Not sure why Rose was in this basket...but too
cute to pass up a picture!

The work of God...

The last few days in Tanzania have been wonderful. I am so thankful that we have a God who hears and answers our prayers. He has brought forth new friends and christian fellowship, two things I have been seeking in my time here. Thursday night I went to a bible study through Vineyard Church. It was a lovely time of fellowship, prayer, study and singing. I also met more people today at a church picnic after service. What has made an impression on me is to hear the work being done by missionaries in the bible study and from people in the church. Isn't amazing how God calls people from all nations and all backgrounds? Ordinary people sent to complete extraordinary works. One couple, from Canada, has partnered with a girl from the states, to work with the Massai people. They have created this amazing picture book with testimonies from Massai Christians and all about the Massai culture. You should check out the website at:
www.en-kata.com
Another couple from Australia, is working with a local organization to help with creating and maintain Christian schools in local villages. Another couple of girls are involved with a school/housing program in one the slums of Arusha (going to visit this one on Tuesday, can't wait!) Even here at the compound I am staying at, God is at work. Three men have been staying here and I have spoken with them for the last three nights. They are going to different towns,all over Africa, mobilizing/educating the youth. They give away bibles and other Christian resources. They are from Uganda, Kenya and the U.S. Another girl, Marsha, works for Adventist Relief Agency (located on our compound) and is helping to write proposals to help local albinos (huge population here) as well as other projects.

So many stories of people I have met the last few days/weeks doing God's work in this country. Again, it amazes me how they come from all over the world and it inspires and excites me to see God at work in so many different ways. Yes, the poverty and sickness is real and overwhelming here but just as real is the response of God's people. I hope to visit a few of the organizations in the short time I have left in Tanzania.

Besides church and the church picnic today, my weekend was very relaxing. My two roomies have been very sick (they caught whatever the babies had) so I didn't want to stay in the apartment too long. Yesterday morning, I went to USA River to the coffee shop and had a belgium waffle and vanilla latte (yum!). I stayed for 2 hours listening to worship and having a great time with God. It was a beautiful day and I walked home to beautiful views of Mt Meru. I convinced Marsha (the ADRA girl from Germany) to go to market with me at Tereguru. Market is crazy, so I'm thankful for Marsha (she speaks some Swahilli). We were the only two Muzungus (white people) out of hundreds of people. Which always gets some funny reactions. Some people want to grab us or touch us, most just want to talk with us. Most, when they find out I'm from America, want to know if I am friends with Obama, lol. One guy told me once to have a drink and say hi to Obama for him. Anyway, it is quite the adventure. We bought some great fabric, wandered around some and then enjoyed a soda together. Marsha then took me to a tailor nearby the orphanage. We came up with some creative ideas for shirts, skirts, and dresses. We even drew out sketches,lol, so hopefully they will turn out the way we envisioned. We pick them up next week, very fun. The rest of the night, I watched some movies on Marsha's labtop (thanks again Marsha!). It was a nice treat to end a great day!
After picnic today, I cleaned our apartment (got to get rid of those germs) and our electricity went out (no surprise). What was incredible is tonight was the first night without the moon. With no electricity and no moon, the stars are unbelievable. You can see planets and the milky way. Nina (my roomie) and I decided God turned off the electricity to bless us with his light show!
Anyway, a great weekend! I did miss the babies. I joke with the other girls about "spottings." The babies live below our apartment, so many times when I am leaving to go somewhere, if they are outside, the toddlers spot me. Oh the guilt! They come running up! I get hugs and kisses and I love yous! And then I have to say good bye and leave =( We try to avoid spottings if possible. But it was nice to have a weekend off to refresh and this week we are excited about a few "field trips" for the toddlers (more blogs on that to come!)
Hope everyone had a great weekend as well! Love to hear from you!

Love,
Jess

Even more pictures...yay =P

These are some of the other
volunteers I've gotten close to and Mt. Meru where we live

I am a true African momma with Anya on my back =P

A few more pictures..

Here is a great safari picture, we saw this cub reunite with it's momma











Toddler snack time before bed



Two of the triplets, Anya and Nina (just so you know, these are the 2 babies I would adopt...plus a toddler or two)

And another fun baby picture...Brian playing with some babies











Prince and I...if you think he looks a little mischievious you would be correct!

Some pictures...

Twins: Kurwa and Dotto

Maria sharing her toy with Carolina, so sweet

Sorry there are so few...it takes sooooo long to upload any picture.

Babies and safaris...

Entering week 3 here in Tanzania and I am loving it! By now I have a semi normal routine (bearing in mind that this is Africa and very unstructured by nature). What is a typical day for me? I wake up around 8am, have breakfast and head downstairs for baby time. Babies are out of bed and in full force by the time I come down and I am immediately welcomed with hugs and kisses. The nannies come in for a quick devotional and singing worship songs...beautiful to hear, even if I can't understand what they are saying. Next is breakfast. Younger babies take a nap and then it is toddler time (love the toddlers). I usually stay downstairs for lunch and then come upstairs to have my own lunch and break. More baby playtime, then dinner and bedtime. I love the end of the day since it is just the toddlers awake and they are so cuddly and loving ( Na ku penda means I love you). Some days of course are different if we need to go to market (takes a good chunk of the day) or somedays I am in the nursery (4 newborns, so cute). I love that the babies are recognizing me and so excited to see me anytime during the day.

I was able to try a church, Vineyard. It is non denominational and english speaking. They even have a screen for praise and worship and everyone was very nice and welcoming. I am also excited to try a bible study this Thursday night.

I was very fortunate to go on a mini-safari last weekend. We spent 3 days and 2 nights in the Serengeti and then the Ngorngoro Crater. AMAZING. No words can describe how beautiful it was to see the animals live in nature. We saw everything, over 40 lions, elephants, zebras, giraffes, leopards, cheetahs, hyenas, monkeys, rhinos, everything. Highlights include watching hyenas eat a fresh kill, a lioness reunited with her cub, and another lion dragging her kill to her babies. So AMAZING! We also had a VERY close encounter with a couple of hunting lions and an elephant, I will save the story for in person (make sure to ask!) but I will tell you I was terrified. Don't worry, have tons of pictures and videos =P

Things are going so well, I am really loving Tanzania and this experience. I am so greatful and thankful for this trip. Praise God for all good things come from above! Love to hear from you, feel free to email me back!

Hugs and Kisses to all!
Jess

Settling

Things have been a bit of a whirlwind these last few days. I am so thankful that I had roommates when I arrived, girls who had somewhat of an idea of the area and/or how to get around. We made our first trip to Arusha (the nearest town to us, about a 20 min drive). We took the dallah-dallah. Which is absolutely crazy/cramped, 25 people together in a 10 passenger van. The driver played Kanye West(!) which led to a conversation with a student who loves P. Diddy, lol. Town is very crowded and busy. I was able to get groceries at a supermart, money from an ATM, and a piece of chocolate cake =P

We also walked up to USA River last night (a 15 min walk) to find a few stores who have basics (eggs, bread, toilet paper). So, it is good to know I won't always need to go into town for food. The plaza also has a coffee place (yea!) and a restaurant, which I hope to try at some point.

Besides the trip to town, my day has mostly revolved around taking care of the babies. There are about 25 babies right now. It is a little overwhelming at times. Today, at one point, I was in a room by myself with 10 babies. 2 little ones in my arms, a few in swings, a few crawling around and I think 3 toddlers. I have yet to figure out when I can take breaks for lunch, etc. I hate leaving babies crying and keep turning back to hold them a little longer. They want your love and affection so much. Feeding time is pretty intense. They have a table that holds the 10 little babies, then there are around 7 high chairs, and a table for the toddlers to eat meals. Yes, ALL the babies are fed at once. You basically walk down the line feeding one baby to the next. I am slowly learning the art of the cloth diaper. I have failed quite a few times (which at least makes the nannies laugh) and poked my finger a few times with the pin. Today, I put a nappy on a little girl (Hope, she is precious). 10 minutes later she came up to be with her pants and nappy around her ankles, half naked. Ooops. Nannies got a kick out of that one. So, I am learning!

I hope to attend a church this weekend. I would love to meet some Christians here, so please pray that connection would happen! Love to hear from everyone, please feel free to e-mail me.

Hugs and kisses,
Jess

I have arrived!

Right now there are monkeys (no joke) outside my window hooting...crazy. I have arrived!! The trip here was pretty uneventful. One cool thing was my first flight to Ethiopia was 95% Christian missionaries. A few teams, a few rogue individuals like myself, all of us on our way to serve in Africa. It got me hyped for my trip and excited to see so many others stepping out in faith (also relieved because I felt our plane was sufficiently covered in prayer) =P
It was beautiful to see Mt. Kilimanjaro from the plane (took pics) and the drive in was amazing. Everything is so lush (sunflower fields and beautiful exotic plants) against the mountains. My driver did have a laugh at me when I tried to get into the "passengers" side of the car (which is the drivers side here) and then was very nervous about us driving on the left side of the road. Thanks for your prayers for safe travels as I almost didn't get picked up. They thought I was suppose to arrive tomorrow. But, thankfully (Praise God!) my ride called the airport to confirm my flight! The Tanzanians were so nice anyway...they gave me phones to call the orphanage and by that time my ride had arrived with my visa.
Right now I have 2 roomies, two college age girls (feel like I am in college again, dinner was a peanut butter sandwich). I have my own room (for now) and bathroom. There is an Australian couple living on the compound volunteering as well (just not living in our building). They all seem very nice and welcoming. More volunteers will be arriving in the next week or so but am happy about how friendly everyone has already been.
I met the babies! They (over 30 of them) are so sweet. The toddlers all climbed on my lap (had 4 on me at one point) and are super cute. I even changed my first poopy cloth diaper (well attempted until the nannies laughed at me and took over). Anyway, day one was great!
Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement! Check the blog often for updates!

Okay, time for bed (jet lag stinks)!
Love,
Jess

PRAISES!

9 days before I leave...but who's counting? Let me give the LORD some praises:



1. I have reached my financial goal and exceeded by over $1000....PRAISE!

2. I have received many donations of toys, clothes, etc for the babies....PRAISE!

3. I have confirmation of a name of a person picking me up at the airport (major source of stress that I would not be picked up)...PRAISE!

4. I have confirmation that Visa will be at the airport....PRAISE!

5. My checklist of things to do for the trip, complete....PRAISE!

6. I thought I lost my camera, it is found...PRAISE!

7. Anxieties are lessened about trip and being prepared...PRAISE!

8. I have Skype downloaded which means video phone calls for those who download...PRAISE!

9. Closing at school, almost done, those lists are also complete....PRAISE!



God is good. It is awesome to recognize all the little ways God has responded to me in preparing for this trip. It seemed like every time I stepped out, He would meet me and reward me in some little way...



Team Niger leaves this Saturday to host camp. Please pray they would be ready for the trip and that God would use them immensely while in Niger.



Love to all =P

Nerves and Excitement

I am officially getting nervous about my trip. Don't get me wrong, I am also super excited. I know this is going to be an amazing adventure. I know the Lord is going to move through me and change me in ways I can not imagine. I know I'll look back on this and feel blessed and happy for being able to serve the neediest of people. So why am I so stinkin nervous? It is the classic case of my knowledge and my feelings not lining up. Please pray my anxieties would be lessened. Afterall, it is usually about the journey and not the destination, correct? I know there are lessons to be learned even now, in my preparation for my trip. Probably, to surrender those nerves to the Lord, huh? =P

People keep asking how the preparation is going...I feel right now, it is getting the check lists done. I could use your prayer that my VISA would arrive and that my travels would be smooth. I have a lot of anxiety about the travel. Thanks everyone for your support! Also, here is the address for Cradle of Love:

Cradle of Love Baby Home
P.O. Box 360
Usa River, Arusha,
Tanzania
EAST AFRICA

While I am at the orphanage I can receive letters and padded envelopes. Please don't send anything larger as I will be charged a fee (if it even makes it to me, boxes are targets!). Don't forget I will have Internet access as well!

Love you all,
Jess

Why am I going to Africa?

Lately I have been reading "Get Uncomfortable," a study on poverty and injustice by Todd Phillips. In this study Todd states,

"At our essence as believers, we can either be proclaiming servers or serving proclaimers. There is really not much difference in the two; both express the same truth. In either case, we shouldn't be proclaiming Christ without serving people, and we shouldn't be serving people without proclaiming Christ."

Todd challenges readers to be ready to share the gospel (scriptures memorized!) and to be ready to share scriptures for why we are serving others.

This really challenges me! I think my small group, church and certain family members "get" why I am going to Africa. I'm not so sure other friends, family members or co-workers understand. And, admittedly, I am not great at explaining or having scriptures ready to verify. So, this blog is an attempt to explain what I have lacked in doing so far!

The bible says in 1 John 3:16-19 the following:

16This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 17If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? 18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence



One of the hardest things about being "Saved" is explaining the transformation to a non-believer. Someone said to me recently, it is like trying to explain the color green to a blind person. I can describe ways my life has changed and I can talk about feelings of joy and peace. But I can't describe exactly how I changed or the internal/eternal difference in my life. When I was saved, it was like blinders were lifted and I gained an understanding and insight of scripture and truth. The first year after I became Christian, was a time of learning. I couldn't get enough of the bible and I had so many questions I wanted answers too. God gently showed me areas of my life that were in conflict with His ways and began changing me. I was so on fire for the Lord it was all I wanted to talk about and I was certain my excitement and passion would rub off on everyone I knew. Soon I felt the Lord calling me to faith in action. When I went on my first mission trip in 2006, I remember sharing my testimony with my leaders and breaking down crying from the realization of God's grace in my life. His goodness in answering my prayer to serve Him, to bring Glory to His Kingdom in some tangible way.

I think sometimes people associate me going to Africa because I am a "good person" and I therefore do "good things." While these notions are flattering, they are not accurate. The reality is that only God is good. I continually fall short of God's expectations. Everyday I struggle with sin and quite often it despairs me how hopeless I am on my own. I am not trying to serve others to be good. I am not going to Africa to be good. I am serving others in response to the goodness and love God showed me. The bible says in Romans 5:8 "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." That blows my mind. God knew/knows every way I would rebel and turn away from him and still will in my life. Yet, He loves me so much, He sent His only son to die on my behalf. Do I or did I deserve it? Absolutely not. We often admire Romeo and Juliet stories that have the characters dying for their one and only love. In the story, the characters share a reciprocal love for one another. But this scripture says God's love for us was one way. Before we knew it or accepted it, He loved us. If you ask me, that is true love. That is amazing, beyond human comprehension love.

So His love and salvation is a free gift. It can not be earned and it is freely given. But does that mean I do not respond in reaction to this love? Isn't if funny how we respond to a person we have an "interest" in? My friends and I joke all the time, when our girlfriends meet the right person it is like they fall off the earth. They go over and above to please that person and make them happy, putting their partner's needs before their own. One day a friend will mention she met someone to me, within the year they are married! What a major response to the love they are feeling towards their partner. It is natural and part of what is so great about love.

In light of our reaction to one another when we fall in love, shouldn't we respond to God's love and gift of salvation? Maybe for the non-believer the response is saying "yes Jesus, I accept your death on the cross for my sins. Thank you for loving me." For believers it may be service in a certain ministry and/or spreading the gospel. For me, one of ways I am responding is going to Africa. I am praying that by going to Africa, it will somehow bring Glory to God and further His Kingdom. The irony is, I expect I will gain infinately more then I could ever give in taking this trip. And I pray those experiences/lessons will not only bless me but be a blessing for those who hear about my trip.



Let me ask you, how have you responded to God's love?


Love you all!

The Character of God

Upset. If I had to describe the tone of yesterday's blog and how I was feeling all day, the word I would use is upset. What continually nagged at me all day was why was I upset? I'd like to claim what I was feeling was "righteous indignation at the world" brought on by the Holy Spirit. But God decided last night to clarify my feelings. Which, isn't that usually the case when we get too high on our pedestals? God is around to knock us on to our knees. Here is what God revealed to me...




I took the school's reaction to Invisible Children personally. What I mean is that I felt the school's reaction to the assembly was an attack on my character. I put a lot of thought and planning time into the assembly and what would be allowable so as to not offend students or the school. But an immediate assumption was made that I was purposeful in wanting to "solicit students" and implied that I was not thoughtful in my planning. I am not saying these things to point fingers or to get a "poor" Jessica response. But what thought came upon me last night was, "I wonder if God ever feels this way?" Oh the shame...



We constantly point our fingers at God and place judgement on His Character based on events happening in this world. Think about it. Many times the question keeping non believers from believing in God is: "if God is so good, why is there ________ in this world?" or "if God is so good, why does He allow ______ to happened?" I'm sure you can think of a few things to fill in the blank.



I think it is presumptuous of us to make such harsh judgements on God because of the events happening in this world. He is clear in His word that we are in a fallen world, the results of which are sickness and death. Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death." Also, we are limited in what we see and what we know of why certain events happen in this world. Only God is omniscient and omnipresent. He is clear in His word that all He does is for our benefit and our best interest and it will all work out for good in the end. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose."



So instead of speculating on what we do not know, we should mediate on what we know for certain. The bible says it is certain that God is good, God is love, and God is merciful. It states God is Holy and just and will bring righteousness to this world. I think the real issue isn't "who is God?" But, do we trust in what we know of God when something happens in a way we would not have chosen for ourselves. I know I wish my school would have considered my character and my previous record before assumption gave way to criticism.



Love,

Jess



1 John 4:10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

The poor you will always have with you...

Lately I have been struggling with our country's perception of poverty and injustice. In Matthew 26:11, Jesus speaks the words in the title of this post. It is repeated from Deuteronomy 15:11 in which the Lord commands us to be openhanded towards our brothers and the poor and needy in your land. I searched the bible for the word "poor" and found over 100 scriptures on this matter. A few that struck me were:

1 Samuel 2:7-The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts.He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor. "For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's; upon them he has set the world.
Matthew 19:21Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
James 2:5Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?

I know the bible repeats the message the God loves the poor and that the poor will receive justice. And yet my heart was broken today by how opposed the world is to this message of giving.

Many of you know I arranged for Invisible Children to have an assembly at our school. IC is an amazing organization whose sole purpose is to raise awareness to the conflict in Uganda, involving Joseph Kony forcing children to be soldiers. The county I work in has a policy in which organizations can not come into schools to solicit money from students (makes sense, students are there for an education). IC showed this amazing video to my school about how students their age raised money for kids in Uganda to have a new school. The students who raised the most money then got to visit Uganda to see first hand the poverty and injustice these kids face everyday. The movie was heartbreaking and eye opening.

Students at my school were so outraged and touched that they immediately came to me and to the student services office to see what they could do to help. The wanted to start a club, they wanted to bring awareness and to raise money if possible. My schools' response???
"Miss Neff, we are disappointed that you would bring an organization in to our school to solicit money from our students." Ouch. So much for what we teach our kids in the classroom about community service and giving back to this world.

I know I shouldn't be surprised (maybe many of you guessed that reaction before I wrote it). But frankly I am sad and angered by this response and the apathy of Americans in general. I realize we have problems of our own in the U.S. But does that excuse us from acknowledging the reality of what is happening in the rest of the world? Does it give us permission to squash the drive of students wishing to making a difference, to be apart of changing the world? Many times people I have spoken to don't even want to know about conflicts in other parts of the world. They state,"I can't watch that video, it will make me sad"or "What can I do?" And to be fair to that question, I don't have all the answers. Jesus even acknowledged, again, that the poor will always be with us. But even though I may not have all the answers, I am pretty sure ignorance and or denial of the poor is not the solution.

I feel like Habakkuk, "How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds."

Sorry for this long rant but I pray, you and I, can be part of the solution. One person can matter. I think of the story of a little boy walking on the beach. There are hundreds of starfish washed up on the shore. He began to throw them one by one into the ocean. Someone saw what he was doing and told him it was pointless, that there were too many to save, that is wouldn't make a difference. Throwing another starfish into the sea, the boy responded, "It makes a difference to this one."

I'm starting to understand purpose in going to Tanzania, if nothing else jit is to show that I care. And I hope that maybe others will be inspired to step out to serve others as well.

Love,
Jess

Proverbs 22:2Rich and poor have this in common: The LORD is the Maker of them all.

Welcome!

Hello friends and family! As many of you already know, I will be going to Tanzania this summer to work for "Cradle of Love." I am told the orphanage has internet access. So, here I am, an official blogger so you may keep track of me and my trip! Register to receive my blogs so you may know all the "goings on" leading up to my trip and of course to receive updates while I am there.

Love you all! Thanks for all of your prayers and support.

Jess